Thursday, August 14, 2008

What Sam's been up to at night

- You wanted to see me, boss?
- Yeah, Jay, yeah, sit down... I take it you saw that new kid shoot last night.
- Mmm-hmm.
- What'd you think? He's a hell of a shot, ain't he?
- Not much of a showman, though.
- Well, yeah, obviously, but we can work with that. Better than using some prima-donna 'artiste', right?
- Where'd you find him, anyway?
- He was cleaning up at the gun game, figured it'd be cheaper to hire him than to let him keep winning.
- Shit, he cleaned up at that game? Way Joeboy's got it rigged, he must be good.
- So good he don't need to be a showman, long as we build the right show 'round him.
- A 'mystery man'?
- Exactly. Give him a mythic past, a black outfit, a little smoke, a quick in-and-out routine... he won't even have to talk, the rubes'll fill in all the blanks theyselves.
- He couldn't do a longer show?
- Well, for one thing, I'm pretty sure the kid's been gutshot, though he don't let on much -- and we don't want to wear out our golden goose just yet. He's a --
- 'Dark past'?
- 'Gang killed his wife & kid and left him for dead'?
- 'Shot them all dead but reopened the wound and it won't heal'?
- Bingo! That also gives us an out if things don't work right, it's perfect. We'll get the audience plants to start spreading that tonight, build up steam for the Saturday show.
- So what do you need me for?
- I'll be straight with you, Jay, the kid's a bit weirdheaded and unpredictable. He's too good a shot to pass on, but I need someone up there to keep an eye on him.
- You're thinking hype-man.
- Actually, I'm thinking bigmouth hype-man, like you did with Kristy K three seasons back. Kid's so quiet, the contrast'll play real well. Getting in the way, trash talking, right on the edge of clown, but still hype-man, you follow?
- I really don't want to get shot again... once was more than enough.
- I'm not gonna lie to you, it is possible. But you're the best I got at reading people, Jay -- and if the kid does snap, you're the best I got at taking a fall. I can't see it working without you.
- Shit, I can't believe I'm even considering this... Alright, I'm in. Might even be able to play a 'will he or won't he shoot the hype-man' game, if he's not too unstable. But if I get any weird vibes, I'm pulling the plug. Deal? And I expect danger pay for this.

* * *

"I saw the craziest show last night, it was mental! That gunslinger thing? It was intense, man, that guy's stone cold. Dude never said a word, and never missed a shot. Like a fucking machine. But the best part is, there was this asshole announcer dude who kept talking shit about how the gunslinger was his boy and they were tight, blahblahblah, I'm so tough, making fun of the dudes in the audience but hiding behind his boy when they tried to get at him. What a pussy.
"So finally, he says the last part of the show is the bit with the spinning wheel, right, with the girl on it? So he asks for the girls to come up, but they say they don't want to, and that if he's so tough why doesn't he do it. All that tough talk, and now the guy's shitting hisself he's so scared, but he can't back down after all his bullshit. You should've seen his face, it was hysterical, man.
"So the girls set him up on the wheel, and start it spinning. The gunslinger doesn't say anything, just waits a bit... then BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! He was so fast I didn't even see him draw. Then he holsters, turns around, and leaves, just like that, before the wheel even stops turning. So fucking badass.
"Then, when the wheel finally stops, the asshole is passed out. The girls aren't too upset that he might be dead, if you know what I mean, but they check him anyways -- and they notice that there's a bullet hole right through his pants. His fucking pants! Right below his junk! When the announcer finally wakes up, he can't even walk straight, he just wobbles off the stage holding his nuts. I think he was even crying a bit, it was fucking sweet. I swear the gunslinger dude shot there on purpose, man, just to shut the fucker up. Such a fucking badass...
"Oh, and it gets better; after the show, I heard some dude tell his girlfriend that the gunslinger guy actually shot some merc's nuts clean off last week in that riot down near Pasha's place... my man's fucking crazy, man, I gotta see him shoot again! I think next time he might not miss, you know?"

* * *

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Heavy Josh said...

It's nice to see good dialogue.

Couldn't resist the Flava Flave, huh?

Well, alright.

Kain was following you one night, but aside from that, your secret was safe until now.

Charlie Bottoms said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Charlie Bottoms said...

Dude, you can't be Flavor Flav if you're self-aware. One cannot achieve true flava when one TRIES to be flavourful. Impossible!

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