Friday, May 6, 2011

From the diary of Lyta Lassander

16 Autumn, 1922

We brought Kylie back from the rovers who kidnapped her. She seemed okay. Kind of out of it, but not hurt, just dehydrated. I think Grey Cub went off to yell at her mom.

The guys who took her were perverts. I mean, she's only 15! She's just a kid! What kind of a bastard can think about having their way with a kid like that?

Todd shot one. Lukas too. Right in front of me. I've still got his blood on my clothes. They're both dead. I guess they deserved it, but... I don't know. I hope I didn't scream. I don't remember. I don't like killing people, though I suppose if anyone had to die, these guys would be good candidates and the world is probably better off without them. Still, being sprayed with blood brought back way, way too many bad memories.

Lukas is such a hypocrite. He told me -- ordered me -- not to kill any of them, and then he shot one dead. He needs to listen to his own advice.

We're going out again soon. Antoni thinks that we'd be good pilots of his squad, so we're going back to Haven to steal their Gears. Antoni thinks that if we go in right after the sandstorm lifts, we'll catch them by surprise. Lukas thinks we should do recon first, but I don't know how we'd do it in the middle of a sandstorm. I hope we don't kill anyone else.



18 Autumn, 1922

Prophet be merciful, but I don't think I can do this. No. I have to do it. I just don't know how.

I was doing okay. I really was. Even when Lukas drove the elan right into town and they were shooting at us, I was okay. Well, as okay as anyone can be when they're being shot at.

But when I heard the mortar, all I could think of was Father's elan being thrown end over end and the sky exploding on top of us. Like it was Baja all over again and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. And the only reason I didn't drive right off the road and into a building was because I got shot. How pathetic is that? I needed the pain of a fucking gunshot wound to stay focused on driving away from a firefight.

I need to get Lukas or someone to show me how to drive for real. It's good that it's mostly bare ground on either side of the road, because if not I'd probably have driven into a ditch at least four times.

We got three Gears, but two of them are pretty destroyed. I almost wish that Ennik can't get one of them working, so I don't have to be a pilot. Antoni says that usually people don't shoot at him when they're on raids, but we've been on two raids so far and we got shot at both times. And it's way easier to kill someone by accident when you're in a Gear. Stray bullet, and boom! Dead. With a staff, you can control the force. You can't control the force with a bullet, and I'm not a good enough shot yet to aim somewhere non-lethal when I'm using Gear-sized weapons.

Hell, I can't even move in a Gear as well. When I'm on my own two feet, I know where my body is. In a Gear, you've got to use the sensors and the equipment and... it's just weird. It's bulky. It doesn't feel right.

I can't tell anybody. I can't tell them that I don't want to be a pilot. They already think I'm weak because I threw up when Lukas shot the rover right in front of me. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop it. So I can't be weak now. The Gear pilots get the most respect, and if Lukas thinks that's the way we find out about Kaspar, then that's what we have to do. And I just have to pretend that I like it.

Ennik says you don't have to kill anyone when you're in a Gear. He says that he tries not to. But he's killed a lot of people, and he's a drunk. He offered me some of whatever the hell it is in his flask right after I threw up, but I didn't take it. I don't want to be like him.

The doctor says my arm needs to stay in a sling for at least a week for my shoulder to heal. So I can't spar. I'm not even sure I can run, not really run. I guess maybe I'll try to learn some Gear-driving tricks, or maybe how to drive an elan so I don't need to worry about crashing into buildings. I may as well do something useful.

I wonder if I should tell anyone it's my birthday in a week. Probably not. I don't really feel like celebrating anything right now.


Heavy Gear Roleplaying Game


Hermes 72 - Heavy Gear RPG - Most artwork Copyright 2002 Dream Pod 9, Inc.