Tuesday, April 12, 2011

From the diary of Lyta Lassander (Summer 1922)

13 Summer, 1922

We're going back to Junira Loresh. I thought that Lukas would want to join the Desert Wolves right away so that we could find Bear -- Kaspar. But Todd said that we need to go back because I'm almost 21 and need to do my Okaku. He said that once we join the Wolves, we may not be able to go back to Junira Loresh for a long time, and it'll be really weird if I come back at 23 or 24 and I hadn't done the ritual yet. He even managed to convince Lukas to wait on joining the Wolves, and I didn't think anything could get him to delay looking for Kaspar.

Anyway, we're going back. Todd asked if I'd thought about what I wanted to do in Koreshi society, but I hadn't. I don't know. I just want to be with Todd and Lukas. As long as I can do that, I don't care.

Lyta

*****

16 Summer, 1922

Lukas asked if I was going to run the B'Ti. I don't know. I feel like I don't know anything.

Lyta

*****

19 Summer, 1922

We should get to Junira Loresh tomorrow. I can't sleep. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I miss it, but I'm afraid that it'll make me cry like last time, and I don't want Junira Loresh to make me cry. Jonas said I shouldn't come back until I was ready, so that it wouldn't be spoiled for me forever, but I don't know if I'm ready yet.

I miss Jonas. I miss him so much that my stomach hurts. It's weird: he's the only person I miss who's still alive. Him, and maybe Ti. Everyone else is dead: Mom, Father, Bestha, Amaraa... they're all dead. I hope Jonas is still in Junira Loresh when we get there. If he's dead too, I don't know what I'll do.

Lyta

*****

20 Summer, 1922

I forgot how beautiful Junira Loresh is. I sat next to the waterfall and stared and stared. Jonas found me -- he's still here. I think he's living in Junira Loresh now. I hugged him until my arms hurt.

I... got mad at him, too. I didn't want to. But I did. He asked me whether I was going to run the B'Ti, and Todd and Lukas have been asking me all week, and I was SO TIRED of people asking me, and... I got angry. I apologized after. Jonas didn't get angry, he just looked disappointed. I felt so guilty that Jonas was disappointed in me.

He said that maybe I could try running some of the lower courses, just for fun. He said I used to like it, and maybe I still will. I don't know anymore. I hate that I got angry at Jonas. He didn't deserve that.

Lyta

*****

22 Summer, 1922

I ran the first three levels of the B'Ti. Jonas was right -- it was fun. I ran in New Baja and Prince Gable a little, but they're not really designed for running and the B'Ti is. Maybe I'll compete after all.

Lyta

*****

25 Summer, 1922

I saw Tarooq today. I thought I'd miss him. I thought I'd still be in love with him. But I'm not. He hasn't left Junira Loresh since the last time I saw him, and I've travelled the whole world with Lukas and Torgath. I feel sorry for him, almost, that he'll never get to see the world outside Junira Loresh.

He's married now. His wife's name is Jessara. She's pregnant. The rumours are that it's her second pregnancy, because the first was stillborn. Even though I missed Junira Loresh, I'm glad I didn't stay here. I don't want kids. I don't want any family at all except Torgath and Lukas. If I had a family, the CEF could kill them, and I won't let that happen.

Lyta

*****

29 Summer, 1922

I competed in the B'Ti today. I ran two levels, even though I haven't really been training. Lukas says it's because we've been out in the real world, and that makes us stronger, but I don't know. I think he's wrong. I think I'm just stronger because it's been two cycles and I'm older, and I've been training for other things instead.

Jonas asked whether I knew what I wanted to do, which path I wanted to take for my Okaku. I told him that all I wanted to do was stay with Lukas and Torgath. I don't want to join another tribe. He said that maybe I should join the Jonus Kerasi, like Torgath, but I don't know if I can. I mean, I'm not bookish like Torgath. I don't know where I'd find the information the Thrals need for the Great Cycle. Torgath is the one who's good at stuff like that. But Jonas said it didn't matter, that not all knowledge comes from books. He said that so long as I'm watchful and pay attention, that's enough. He said I should think about it, and we'll do the ceremony after the Imti'qhaan is finished. It feels like it's too soon, and I'm not ready. But at least I didn't get mad at Jonas again.

Lyta

*****

30 Summer, 1922

Lukas asked me whether I was going to compete in the hand-to-hand fighting in the Imti'qhaan. It's already pretty late, but I still could if I wanted to. But I don't. I didn't learn to fight for the Imti'qhaan -- I learned so I could protect Lukas and Torgath. I don't fight clean like the Koreshi. I know I don't. I don't want to bring dirty fighting into the Imti'qhaan. It feels wrong, like it would spoil it. I don't think Lukas cares that I'm not competing. I think he's anxious to leave to we can join the Desert Wolves and find Kaspar.

Lyta

*****

34 Summer, 1922

The Imti'qhaan is over. I watched Jireni again. She's still amazing. Still not on the 20th level yet, but she's so close. Maybe next cycle. I wish I could move like her.

Jonas says that tomorrow we'll do my Okaku and I'll become a Jonus Kerasi like Torgath. It feels so weird. It means that I'm officially a member of nothing. Yeah, I'm technically Koreshi, but being Jonus Kerasi means that I'll never be part of a tribe again. That's okay, I don't want to be part of any tribe. But it also means that I'm not really part of the real world either. Lukas says that after we find Kaspar and get our fortune back, maybe we'll settle in Peace River. But if I'm Jonus Kerasi, I'd need to keep going back to Junira Loresh to keep them informed about what's going on in the world. Lukas would say that's stupid, that I'm not beholden to them, and if we settle down they're not going to send anyone to hunt us down. But he's wrong. Not about the hunting down part -- he's probably right about that -- but about being beholden. If I'm Jonus Kerasi, it means I need to tell the Thrals what's happening in the world. It's my duty, and a Lassander doesn't break a promise.

I can't sleep. I wish I knew what to do.

Lyta

*****

35 Summer, 1922

I guess that's that. I did the ritual, like Torgath did when we brought Jonas back last time, and I'm a Jonus Kerasi now. Lukas says we're leaving this afternoon, after siesta. I think he's tired of waiting in Junira Loresh when we could be following Kaspar's trail, now that we've got one again.

I hugged Jonas goodbye. I don't want to leave him, but I have to. That's what being Jonus Kerasi means: you have to leave everybody all the time. I hope he's still here the next time we come back, whenever that is. I hope that I can make him proud of me.

I should probably get packed. Back to travelling. Again.

Lyta



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