Monday, March 30, 2009

Exit

Dr. Tomohiro Chambers, Personal Log Entry:

31 Winter TN1920, 05:30:

Gade and Natty must have reconciled. I went to discuss gears for tomorrow's dueling challenge with Gade, and I accidentally caught them in each other's arm in the Cave last night. Psychiatry is not my specialty, and though I had not seen any repeat incidents of Gade's sociopathic outburst/psychotic break of Spring 35 TN1919, I was still surprised to see them together. My initial impression was that Natty's own medical condition had caused her to reprioritize. Facing what she's facing, I can't blame her. Gade's motivation towards Natty has always seemed honourable, though I can't be certain about him in general.

Sigh. This isn't about Gade and Natty. It's about me. She forgave him and they are happy again. Gade may be dead tomorrow. Natty will likely not see TN1925. Despite it all, I envy them.

31 Winter TN1920, 22:42:

Reading what I wrote earlier this morning, I wonder if I am not projecting my own feelings. Perhaps Natty and Gade are genuinely in love. Perhaps she understands that fact, and forgave him, regardless of his motivations. This causes no small amount of discomfort as I simply cannot avoid the notion that perhaps I am being needlessly hard-hearted with regards to Julie. She excused her actions in New Baja with the tired phrase "I did what I had to do." It is far easy to dismiss your own actions under "I did what I had to do." Kain Delacroix, j'accuse.

Yet here in the Badlands I too have done what I had to do, countless times. I have killed, nay murdered, not for my homeland, not for my planet, but simply for my own personal gain, and for an ideology of Badlander liberation which remains nebulous and circumstantial. When I consider how New Baja was crawling with foreign interests, each doing what they had to do at the expense of the populace of a city that has already suffered so much, Lenny and Julie's actions, while committed at my own expense, were for the greater good.

I think I will go see Julie and help her with the casino.

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31 Winter, TN1920

Dear friends,

It is with some regret that I announce my resignation, effective immediately, from the day-to-day operations of the Caravan. Please do not think that I am abandoning you, or our cause. It is simply a fact that I can better serve our interests managing the BCG from its central headquarters in Khayr-ad Din. I wish you all the best, and I am certain that our paths will cross in the future.

Sincerely,

Dr. Tomohiro Chambers MD

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